Dial Tone
by hyperdude
Summary: Akira has always been alone. Even with that feeling, that yearning, having Shirogane around shouldn't make a difference. "I love you." Except that it does. ShiroAki hints.


Dial Tone

_**Standard Disclaimers Apply.**_

A/N: I know a lot of people don't like how Akira walks all over Shirogane and say he's an arrogant jerk, but I personally feel that Akira is actually protecting his best interests rather sensibly for someone with his character. He's never really had any friends except for Kengo (who is not really the best sort of friend he could've made), his house is _always _empty, and he's always bored, not to mention, judging by that Kokuchi!Kengo episode, Akira probably grew up fighting on the streets. He also seems to have an insecurity complex and abandonment issues, and could even possibly be a control freak.

Anyway, just a different take on ShiroAki. Hope you like it!

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"_I love you," _Shirogane says.

Akira doesn't believe him.

There's nothing to believe. _Akira-kun_ on the first meeting. A kiss on the second. A sudden, suspicious meeting in the middle of the street, "innocent" comments in a bar, alluring smiles and batting eyelashes.

There's no getting-to-know-yous, there's no first date but there are endless battles and fights and so much frustration because no matter what Shirogane says and no matter how much Akira wants to believe him, he can't.

He first met Kengo when the stupid boy tried to defend him from a crowd of boys he was beating up in the junkyard when he was four. Instead, Akira ends up saving Kengo. He first met Aya when he skipped class on the first day of high school. She found him on the rooftop, and tried to drag him back to class, but he ran away, ad she ended up wasting all the periods until lunch break trying to catch him.

"_I'm a prefect, so I have no choice but to be with you."_

They didn't know when his birthday was. They didn't know what his favorite color was, or his favorite food. They didn't know his hobbies (had he any to list), they didn't know he wore his collar to hide the cut that had scarred on his neck when a shard of glass from a shattering window had sliced his throat when he was fourteen. It wasn't really a choice; it was more of an intentionally attached leash and collar form of friendship.

He'd been alone for such a long time. _I love you_ his parents had told him at night as a young boy. He would wait up for them every night, and he'd hear them arrive home, and the fights would start. He never told anybody about the alcohol he smelled on his father's breath, or the way his mother would come home smelling of unfamiliar colognes and a strange musky scent that was by no means pleasant. Even now, the house was virtually empty during midnight hours. He'd stopped hoping when he was four-and-a-half; his parents simply wouldn't come back home for him anymore. He raised himself, on the streets, occasionally with Kou's help. But even Kou wasn't enough, and coming home at the end of the day he would feel lonelier than ever.

He could admit it, having Shirogane around was a nice change of pace, a friendly shadow that kept him constant company. But that was the truth, wasn't it? Shirogane was a shadow. A shadow was only as strong as the sun kept it, flickering, wavering and changing throughout the day. How could he trust a shadow? He didn't _know_ Shirogane, and Shirogane didn't know him. He was constantly left in the dark, and it made him feel like he was that child again, hiding in dark alleys and streets behind dumpsters and heaps of dirty trash, hoping the big gangs wouldn't find him. If Shirogane could not trust him with information that was important to the mission he was supposed to be helping the shadow with, how could he trust Shirogane with himself?

Somewhere inside himself, he knew he liked him, liked the hot gusts of air that blew across his neck, loved the shivers that went up his body as those lips came so close to his ear, remembered the feel of those lips on his shoulder, sucking out the poison, and holy shit, _Shirogane was an amazing kisser_. (Damn that bastard for stealing his first kiss anyway.)

And just as Shirogane said: they were connected. Something in him sang when Shirogane was around, creating a warmth that cycled through his blood at every brush of hair, every touch, and sometimes he took guilty pleasure in having someone to save him, instead of him doing all the saving. Because someone cared. Because there was someone to look after, because he had to look after everyone else. It was something he'd never had before, not since he was three, and at the same time it brought him an awed wonder, it brought with it a terror he hadn't really known.

He knew that one day the feeling would go away. He wasn't stupid; once the darkness was gone, where would Shirogane go? He wouldn't stay with him forever; Shirogane would leave, and Akira would be left behind again, like always.

So much for love. Where would he be then?

It was so tempting to give in. But they were just words and come-ons, and the rescues that Shirogane had executed could have been simply because Akira, as the only other legitimate Kokuchi exterminator in the group aside from Kou, was of use in sealing the darkness away. There hadn't been a concrete presence of real feelings, for all he knew, Shirogane could've just been after sex. It wouldn't be the first time; gangs were always out looking for pretty faces to market and once upon a time they had gone after him too.

"_I love you."_

"_But I don't love you!"_

No. It was easier to stay away, to keep himself safe. Then there wouldn't be anything to be afraid of, because even if he felt that hum in his heart, even if his body wanted it, yearned for it, shivered as _**he**_ got close, he'd never actually do it. And it would be okay because Akira had always been alone, and he could always live alone again after this was all over.

He was used to it, to being alone.

It would be okay.

It _was _okay.

"_I love you."_

"_Just trust me."_

"_I love you."_

"_I love you."_

"_**I love you."**_


End file.
